May 30, 2006

okay, you got hold of my attention this time. listen then, i have a short story for you:

once upon a time there was this thirsty, licentious, wanton, bat-cave nosed, social climber, fashion trash fox walking pass a vineyard whose grape vines crawled-up far past the fox’s jumping height.

wanting so badly to quench his thirst, lustful fox jumped and jumped and jumped (and brags around this photo of him giving a melanesian boy a blow job) and jumped until he finally conceded to the fact that he can never reach those clusters of red, juicy, tasty, muscular, bubble-assed, handsome grapes.

conceited fox then rants around town telling everyone that red, juicy, tasty grape is actually sour as those sugar cane vinegar sold in binalonan, pangasinan and bitter as the coffee they serve at the holiday inn.

morals of the story are: it’s easy to despise what you can’t get and the 8th commandment—bearing false witness against your handsome neighbor.

i don’t know with you (in tagalog: ewan ko sa‘yo), but when i was a kid, my mom bought me this children’s book with read-along cassette tapes of aesop’s fables. it helped dished-up my social orientation quite well even before i was sent to school to learn how to read and write. i’ve been reading my yaya’s love letters years before i went to pre-school… which explains my poor command in english. i digress.

anyway, i shouldn’t really be wasting my time on you. i have enough trouble on hand, but i guess it’s best to brush-off the petty ones first before i settle the essentials. so… brush, brush, brush!

i know what’s eating (or not eating) your ass. i really don’t care, but let me say this: i don’t credit myself of your indecent proposals. i for one never acclaimed for myself the status of personalities who had expressed interest on dear me; call me a swagger, but i’m sooooo above that.

as a closing remark, i want you to sink this into your mind, as this is the root of your hating-on me:
i don’t and will never want to have sex with you! period. that’s tuldok in your mother tongue.

contrary to popular belief, papua new guinea is a free country. so go ahead and do as you please. but ya toucha’ this ass and my friends’, i breaka’ ya already broken face!

30 May 2006

posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/30/2006 | 41 comments

May 29, 2006
few and far between

ripened sun
sour souls

crowns lost
greens breed yellows

lay in the sand again
a white dwarf

begin anew


himself may find
may find himself

29 May 2006

posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/29/2006 | 8 comments


ripe is the sun
my sour soul

green grows yellow
redeems the lilies

lay in the sand again
the star a living

found me

29 May 2006


posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/29/2006 | 0 comments

May 22, 2006

It has been a pleasure.
I'm signing-off for the time being and i leave you with none but gratitude.

I'll remain,

Bryan Anthony

But what do I get from existence?

If it is full I have only distress, if empty only boredom.

How can you offer me so poor a reward for so much labour and so much suffering?

Arthur Schopenhauer

22 May 2006

posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/22/2006 | 16 comments

May 19, 2006

Most of us would agree that Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code” is (but) a well-written fictitious story. But what if it turns out that there’s reality behind the novel.

I’ve spoken to a few theology professors and they actually advised me with an unnerving mode to decode the secrets well-hidden by the allegedly homosexual Leonardo.

This is the DaVinci Code. It may shatter the very foundation of your faith. Consider yourselves warned.

A mirror view will decode the secret.


62 YOppnU

special thanks to jona c.
Apologies to my non-tagalog readers, the code is in Filipino after all.

19 May 2006

posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/19/2006 | 28 comments

May 17, 2006

Waking up without my morning pee-pee hard-on is a confirmation of last night’s suspicion that I would be sick. Symptoms indicate it that it's flu, a reminder that I’m a mortal in spite of me.

The ceremony is not so unfamiliar: notify HR, let you friends know of you erection malfunction and go back to sleep.

Then it struck me—realizing that June (school fee time) is nearby, the last thing my mother needs is his son inside a wooden coffin and the red, yellow & blue flag of the republic. I need to take medication. And there’s none in the cupboard.

I did what’s unthinkable to do back home: drive to the grocery and the pharmacy flu and all. I didn’t actually drive myself. I was too weak to do that, so I asked one of the company drivers to take me there. I could have asked Jerry to do the grocery for me but I wanted to grab the right thing.

I brushed my teeth, hated my braces, checked my hair and with a mental list of things to throw in the cart, off we went.

Worried that people can tell that I haven’t had a shower yet and that underneath my green A&F sweater I was wearing what I slept in last night, hurriedly got myself these (except the R-18 stuff ofcourse):

K 1.50, K 9.00

K 19.80, K15.50

PGK 1.00 = PhP 16.20

The experience of getting sick, alone and away from my family and my partner is not uncommon in my years of working overseas. In fact I don’t make a fuzz of it anymore—an attitude that’s so not me three years back. Then again, there’s so many things that’s not so me no longer…

"A permanent state of transition is man's most noble condition."
Juan Ramón Jiménez

17 May 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/17/2006 | 14 comments

May 14, 2006

There'll never be a woman like you in my life. I love you ma.

Bryan Anthony

"A mother is a mother still, The holiest thing alive."

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

14 May 2006

posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/14/2006 | 23 comments

May 13, 2006
Horny, Babylon & the Audit Season

i should start writing my mothers day blog. i wont be sober enough by the end of the day to be blogging. so i’m bidding to do it now, but sitting here in front of my 19” lcd monitor…i’m out of nice things to say to my mom. joke! love you ma!

i’m simply not myself today—distracted...bored…jaded…horny…

been horny since yesterday and since i refuse to masturbate, i’m double horny today

why do i refuse to masturbate? duh! i can get sex anytime i want. i have suitors who beg me to sleep with them (naks!). seriously they do, i don’t know why… could be the size—good news spread far and wide and have reached them! my endowment from my iberian ancestors which is atypical of asian men must be a rare delectable delight for them—asians & caucasians alike! hahaha!…engaging myself to self-sexual-pleasure is an affront, a disrespect to my well-being (naks!). an act of desperation per se. plus, i’m 26 na kaya—fondling your genitals to provide sexual pleasure is kid stuff…

why do i refuse to sleep with my suitors?… one word—monogamy!

i should be working, i’m due for audit anytime…

ces rang me up and sched us for an afternoon coffee at the yacht club. i missed dinner at the yachtie last night, it turned out everyone cancelled as well, they simply can’t have fun without me (kapal ng utong!).

where the hell are those cheque vouchers…

coffee would be nice, i’ll have a cup of latte as usual, and ten glasses of margarita to drown the caffeine… but maybe not, five would suffice, i still have an italian dinner to attend to. we’re having a farewell party [part one] for an american friend working for the u.s. embassy. he’d be assigned to a new base—bangkok. such a lucky bastard! (love you guy!)

speaking of bangkok, i was told i should go and see this babylon place [babylon barracks]. there use to be a club of the same name in malate—the one that smells like chlorine is constantly spilled all over the place. anyway, this one’s a hotel-sauna-resto. as a kid, i read about why lot’s family was told by angels to run away from sodom… wala hindi siya related sa sinasabi ko...

i really should be summing-up my financial statements…really, really should…like (sabi nga ni momel) like now na!

13 May 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/13/2006 | 18 comments

May 11, 2006

Kuya Ping is off for a two-week holiday in Manila this coming Wednesday and I’m almost done with my pasalubong list. I think a good read would complete my list, so I'll be asking Kuya Ping to buy me a few titles. Although I still have a stack of books left dusty and ancient as the Doctrina Christiana somewhere, I do want something refreshing and entertaining to keep me occupied until ABC-CBN gets smarter with their version of Big Brother! Hellooooo! We don’t see mammary glands, penises and vaginas kaya!
[Big Brother Australia ]

So there, I need your help guys. Your recommendation would be most appreciated. Thank you tru, you all gud pla man-meri.*

*Thank you tru, you all gud pla man-meri. (Pidgin, Papua New Guinea’s official language)

Trans. To all you good people, thank you very much.

11 May 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/11/2006 | 27 comments

May 08, 2006
A Fucking River

Rivers shocked the Logies audience when she said "I don't know why the fuck I'm here", before turning to the crowd and saying "John Wood, you were fantastic in bed last night".


How can a 72-year old woman make you laugh? She has to be Joan Rivers, period. Arguably half-sober Rivers presented an award at the Logies (the Australian equivalent of the Emmy Awards) and was unsurprisingly consistently herself.

She said “fuck” twice on national TV, made fun of the Tom-Katie-Suri craze and yelled “Aw, grow-up Australia!”

Joan Rivers was awarded with a complementary trophy, a pink one! [silver trophies are given to category winners while the sole gold Logie is awarded to the most Popular TV personality of the year] After the co-presenter handed her the special Logie, there was a short applause from the seated crowd who were having dinner. And while delivering her “I’m-so-touched” line, she threw the pink monstrosity across her shoulder, the thing went rolling on the stage, then nonchalantly proceeded (she tried to) with her presenting. Everyone went ape laughing including her. She could hardly say a word with all her chuckles. Instead of reading out the nominees she stooped down to pick-up the trophy, waved it to everyone and announced that they can post a bid for it at E-bay next day. She then cried that it’s the most disgusting trophy she ever received.

It was so hilarious I almost forgot about how blandly (a few of them—horrendously) dressed most of the Aussie TV stars were. But I’ll be diplomatic and will keep the rest of my Logies 2006 red-carpet thoughts to myself. Papua New Guinea is, in most sense, still an Australian territory. I'm telling you, this aint neutral ground.

Oh well, sometimes one can’t help but ask: What is life without comedy and ill-dressed stars?

08 May 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/08/2006 | 5 comments

May 02, 2006

My Bible-armed colleague ambushed me one I-wish-heaven-spares-me-of-annoying-half-wit-cretins-or-better-yet-no-one-speaks-to-me Monday morning and rubbed the pages of the Acts of the Apostles to my Nivea Pore Cleanser and Nivea Facial Wash nursed face. I was so gullible not to hold my Catholic university-educated tongue trained to discuss the missionary paradigm of Saint Paul and not those afternoon-Catechism sort about feast day of saints or the mysteries of the rosary that I shocked her bigot ass when I retorted, out of my exasperation of her invasive office-hours evangelization, that I don’t subscribe to the story of the physical Resurrection of Christ.

This is but one of the personalities I deal with in my day to day here in the Betel Nut capital of the World—Port Moresby! Aint life a b****? Well, not all the time. There are things such as this that make you smile like its raining orgasm [insert rolling eyes here].

Have you ever came across this sign before?

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline!

If you are OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE: Please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are CO-DEPENDENT: Please ask someone to press 2.

If you have MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES: Please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are PARANOID-DELUSIONAL: We know who you are and what you want. Just stay online so we can trace the call.

If you are SCHEZOPHRENIC: Listen carefully—a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are MANIC-DEPRESSIVE: It doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
02 May 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 5/02/2006 | 10 comments