April 26, 2007
Assignment 001



My version of:


Little Red Riding Hood
Part 1

My little Red Riding hood is a sophomore from Don Bosco High School. He’s a queen. A silly queen for thinking that red is the new pink, but queen nonetheless. Furtunato is the only openly nelly princess in the campus. But man enough on being honest in dealing with the issues of his groin. His classmates christened him Nelly Fortunato. The drag onomastics can be traced after that girl who sang the “I’m like a bird” song—an irony for someone who’d gladly be rid of his (bird) but would dexterously welcome it or them on a daily basis at least in oral terms.

After-school bullying doesn’t really bother Fortunato much. He’s spared from all the tormenting at school thanks to Father Carlos Agasoux for keeping an eye of them browbeaters hovering around. Father Carlos is fond of him as much as he’s fond of Club Fahrenheit located in Quezon Avenue. Like Fortunato, Father once enjoyed stuffs like chinese garter, piko, and bahay bahayan with rape-rape-an. Father Carlos never missed a single Little Miss Philippines grand finals and would rather die if he ever miss an episode of That’s Entertainment. Father had a crush on Chucky Dreyfuss. Fortunato reminded him of his pre-San Carlos seminary days.

But on weekends Fortunato is often left all alone by himself.

The citizens of Brgy. San Juan De Dios opine: It’s fine to be with a regular/generic twink with french tips nail and fuchsia halter top but well aware that there is a greater shame than admitting to watching ASAP or SOP and that is to be seen with a teen who wears unfailingly but may I say prettily a hooded red cape around his gawky Amelia Vega shoulders even if the sun bakes San Juan at 43 degrees.

That’s why for him Grandma is a super hero. Our little red riding hood has her to spend weekends at. Grandma lives in Makati at the Oakwood. Her instant wealth is a result a of freak accident while sautéing corn kernels she was planning to serve as a snack during a novena for her sister who had a fatal heart attack years back when Miriam Quiambao lost to Miss Botswana during the Miss Universe of 1999. By mistake, Grandma spilled a 50 kg sack of monosodium glutamate into the wok of deep fried kernels. For ten million pesos and a life long supply of corn snacks, she sold her recipe to the founders of the Bouy Bawang empire.

(guys, do you think it's by any slight chance funny? i think my written comedy sucks... i'll heed any advice you might want to share, assignment itu)


26 April 207

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posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/26/2007 | 15 comments

April 24, 2007
Disco Daddy

Losing a million-pound bet doesn’t make things any harsher when they’re at the bad side of a bargain over an inextensible moratorium on a decent midlife-dom. They’re forty-ish, they’re still single and their broodings—that decade of tardiness in moving to New York. The greenbacks challenge: they need to marry off before summer arrives.

Morag Prunty’s sex-and-the-city-ish take on Dublin’s single and fabulous in “Disco Daddy” worked much more than just a drugstore paperback that keeps me safely at bay from silly TFC shows.

I dialed home.

Transcripts, diplomas and CPA certificates will be flying to Australia.

Twenty was f**** eight years ago.

Things must be done and dealt with now.




24 April 2007

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posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/24/2007 | 3 comments

April 20, 2007
My Tequila Shot is Half Full and a Dog Named Martha


I seldom log-on to YM these days. On one of those days while bubble-blowing my saliva to fill time, I went online and an ex (from a few ex’s ago) fished me out from my his end of the net wasting his company’s internet hours just to tell me that he and his hubby bought a dog and they named it Martha.

I know! Why on earth would you name your dog Martha? What’s wrong with Puffy? Dingo? or Lulu? It would have brought justice to this unfair world if they just named it after them…Alex or Francis; Alexfra or Lexis?

Talking about the unfairness of earthly existences, I’ll take this chance to try to bring consolation to others: I too have a career, a love life, and almost everything else in between that is unimaginably insipid.

But let’s look at the bright side people. I'll lend you my mantra: MY TEQUILA SHOT IS HALF FULL.


And for the rest, there’s my Brisbane-Sydney-Gold Coast trip shopping list:

Anonymous sex: Zero
Wet shoes: (2)
Credit card limit: Maxed-out!
New t-shirt: (5)
New quite pricy leather belt: (1)
New fabulous (but) made in China collared shirt: (3)
New long sleeved shirt-office use: (1) I gave the other pair to Eric.
New long sleeved shirt-casual use: (2) Giordano’s on sale!
New gadget: (1) IPod Shuffle. Waste of money! I can’t download the software! Apple is NEVER user-friendly!
New Bag: (2) One is leather the other, sadly, is not.
New time piece: (1)
New pants: (1) The Pinay cashier claims that that particular style is “uso” in Australia.
New surfer shorts: (1)
New VERY EXPENSIVE jacket: (1)
New scent: (1) I gave the other bottle to someone.
New magazine: (1) Vogue & (1) Men’s Health
Porn: Zero
Sex toys: Zero
Lubricant: Zero
New read on top of my 22-book backlog: (1) Bushnell, (1) Choelho and (1) I can’t remember the author
New sim card: (1) Mahal din yun, $20 noh! May load pa nga ata e.
New pair of socks (white): (3)
New pair of socks (black): (3)
New Calvin Klein underwear: (2)
Chocolates: Zero (I gave it all away!)
Pleasant memories: Innumerable

20 April 2007

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posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/20/2007 | 34 comments

April 17, 2007
A Super Early Forecast: Miss Universe 2007


A perpetuating trend on semi-finalist entrants from the past few years may prove favorable for Canada, Colombia, Dominican Republic and Paraguay.

Once again, Canada is wise for relying on their imports. Miss Universe’s recent history is not very blonde friendly.


For this year, three emerging Latin power houses Colombia, Dominican Republic and Paraguay have a good chance to pull off this gig as Venezuela is seemingly too busy transforming into a communist state and spending less on surgery for their women.
Furthermore, if the TeleMundo hands are to be kept off the judges we can write-off the (not-even-a-country/ U.S. commonwealth) Puerto Rican threat among the senoritas.
Colombia



Dominican Republic

Paraguay



India is quintessential to the semis ever since Miss Universe began and this year may once again prove the omnipresence of the subcontinent. In fact she’s my super early favorite for the crown.



Japan, a budding Asian dynamo (after India, Philippines & Thailand) hasn’t fallen short of our expectations and we might see their kimono and samurai clad ladies anew in the semis.



Delegates from host countries traditionally make it to the top ten—a consolation of a sort for all the trouble they have to put through but prudent Mexico made sure they have a girl that bids to quash such a generality.



I know my beauty queens from my models. Relatively speaking they are not interchangeable. But indulge me if I favor Ms. Serbia. Models or runway-beauties have won the crown before.



We have a very lovely Miss USA this year and I don’t mind if she takes home the Mikimoto. I find that surprising since I usually grow disconcerted whenever an American gets to wear the crown.



Lastly there’s Venezuela. Yes, the table has turned. Where I usually have a Venezuelan as a favorite she’ll have to be my underdog this time. Reconstruction maybe still be in progress.




Yes, it is a bit early to make anything out of some photos which may have been air brushed for all we know but let’s just have this transitory list to keep us going.


17 April 2007

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posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/17/2007 | 11 comments

April 16, 2007
Sydney and Me



Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm


Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world

You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl


-KT Tunstall
"Suddenly I See"


16 April 2006

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posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/16/2007 | 4 comments

April 08, 2007
News Beat


Congratulations to Rose, i mean, Atty. Rose of Ateneo de Manila Law School for passing the bar exams. I'm so happy and proud of you! Mwahs!

P.S.
2006 bar top notcher Noel Malimban was a classmate of mine (in one or two subjects in accounting school) and Rose's too (yata) in Saint Louis University. Ala lang, looking for germs of affinity lang.

P.S. 2
Been raining here in Sydney since we arrived.
Anonymous sex: 0; Wet shoes: 2

08 April 2007

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posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/08/2007 | 13 comments

April 03, 2007
Things of the Month, March 2007

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Similarly, a naked John Lloyd Cruz or a Joross Gamboa without clothes and natural disasters are the least occurrence that could arouse or intensify my sexual desires.

Imagine the next door neighbor (pick the cute and well endowed one) with volcanic fetish masturbating. Simultaneously, at the instance he curls his toes, Mr. Dodong spurts his semen as Mt. Mayon spews magma all over Albay. Not. Sexy.

Reports of rape during a tsunami? Come on!

Then again, in this twisted world where Richard Gomez’s and Manny Pacquiao’s can be lawmakers for the Philippine Republic, it is not far fetch to say that tidal waves have aphrodisiacal properties.


Disclaimer: This is a commentary on the social responsibility of the news reportage of a daily tabloid in Papua New Guinea and not an utter display of apathy. I extend my deepest sympathy to the victims and their families.

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My apologies to everyone for falling short of a good thingamabob list for the month of March 2007. I’ll be running around Brisbane and Sydney over Easter and the planning and re-planning of my wardrobe and itinerary ate up all my spare time.

Anyway, here’s my thing of the Month. The one we all can’t live without: boys:

Boylet of the Month: Garth




Not the prettiest face, but come and see what makes him so special...
Garth: Up CLose & Personal

03 April 2007

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posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/03/2007 | 11 comments