My Bible-armed colleague ambushed me one I-wish-heaven-spares-me-of-annoying-half-wit-cretins-or-better-yet-no-one-speaks-to-me Monday morning and rubbed the pages of the Acts of the Apostles to my Nivea Pore Cleanser and Nivea Facial Wash nursed face. I was so gullible not to hold my Catholic university-educated tongue trained to discuss the missionary paradigm of Saint Paul and not those afternoon-Catechism sort about feast day of saints or the mysteries of the rosary that I shocked her bigot ass when I retorted, out of my exasperation of her invasive office-hours evangelization, that I don’t subscribe to the story of the physical Resurrection of Christ.
This is but one of the personalities I deal with in my day to day here in the Betel Nut capital of the World—Port Moresby! Aint life a b****? Well, not all the time. There are things such as this that make you smile like its raining orgasm [insert rolling eyes here].
Have you ever came across this sign before?
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline!
If you are OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE: Please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are CO-DEPENDENT: Please ask someone to press 2.
If you have MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES: Please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are PARANOID-DELUSIONAL: We know who you are and what you want. Just stay online so we can trace the call.
If you are SCHEZOPHRENIC: Listen carefully—a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are MANIC-DEPRESSIVE: It doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
02 May 2006
