April 29, 2006
The Balls to Choose

One mournful morning at my father’s wake you confessed your cheating on me. Duly, I had to ask why? “When it rains it pours” was your cold reply. I yearned a whispered sorry, a warm consolation to soothe my sore spirit. Rather, cold words—your arctic sympathy...


When you get so bored, don’t masturbate. Instead, check your Friendster account and bid some fascination over a chance that some grade school buddy best remembered by his failure to hold his stool in his rectum before he reaches home from school asks you to add him to your friends list. Or be the pakialamera (meddlesome) that you are born to be and go check who your friend’s friend’s friends are.

That is what I did the other day when I thought of checking who you’ve been hanging around lately. I haven’t seen you for almost two years now. And when I thought I was about to be out-jaded while grinning at your not-so flattering photo, I see miles and stretch of eulogies, testimonials for the person who in Cat Steven a.k.a. Yusuf Islam’s terms cut me the deepest. And cut is what I felt again.

Eulogies like testimonials are sometimes big blahg of bullshits* of praises. I know so much about you that I dare believe I possess omnipotence over every reference and every statement paid tribute to dear you. And yes, Bryan Almighty says they’re all bullshit.

Sure, you held your breath, the door and the umbrella for me. Sure, you asked how my day was. Sure, you sang me a Mariah and promised to give your all. But that’s about it.

I owe it to myself to regard you a traitor. How could you be so good and nice to all of them and never to me? How could you be the warm and fuzzy You to everyone while you leave me out in the cold world of doubts most of the time?

The very few nice things we shared overshadow the mountains of monstrosities you burdened me of but only because I choose to have down pat it that way. I choose now in a like manner I chose to inflict pain on myself after I opted to stay in that relationship when all that was left to do then is to rush through the back door.

I choose to believe that I don’t know you that much after all. I regard you a better person now, and that your friends aren’t bullshit-ing you after all.

Indulge me in my choice to reminisce my first love as a memory of a nice you.

29 April 2006

*Trademark of http://momel8.blogspot.com/

posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/29/2006 | 9 comments

April 28, 2006
I never wanted something rational...

A decade after I hear her sing it again, through Regine this time.

My reticent duo nostalgia and tears battle their way through years of webbed memories to salvage those days of being a college freshman and be 16 once again—time when complex is a shopping mall or a sport facility and not life itself.

Head Over Feet

By Alanis Morissette

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

28 April 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/28/2006 | 13 comments

April 26, 2006
How to sit properly

While I draft a hostile anti-thesis to all the testimonials that have been flooding a former partner’s Friendster account, let’s have some fun for a while.

Dust off your specs and get an eyeful of this!

Photo from: http://go.funfic.hu

[Insert laughter here.]

There, back to work.

April 26, 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/26/2006 | 8 comments

April 25, 2006
Port Moresby Litany

Last year, every Port Moresbian is a resident of the most unlivable major city in the world. So not a soul in the city is knocked for six after a separate study dishonors Port Moresby‘s Jackson International Airport as the world’s worst.

It’s Port Moresby alright. Saturday night and the only invitation you get is from your own welcome party.

It’s Port Moresby indeed. At the top of the welcome committee’s agenda is to remind me that I owe them K 90.00 (PhP 1,500.00), my cut for the alcohol smorgasbord they were plotting for my party. It may turn out to be a vomit-fest but it’s certainly not genuinely intended a welcome party. It’s a party for no reason at all. I just had one last Thursday and another one September last year. Can’t have too much welcome parties, even us Asians would suspect that it’s too patronizing.

Yes, it’s Port Moresby. Filipinos wherever they are and more particularly in this shopping mall & movie house deprived city find antidote for their fear of being alone and being lonely (in short neurosis). Short list the anti-venoms and you’ll have illicit affairs and Karaoke topping the list! So, TAH-DAA! A sing-a-long/get-me-drunk-just-to-spare-me-a-night-of-The-Filipino-Channel party for my return! I digress. E-bay should auction Imelda’s shoes to raise fund for a study on Filipinos fondness of singing and probably an antibiotic for a cure. Speaking of which, I need to take my dose for my tonsillitis which thank heaven is not gonorrhea in the throat. Neurosis eats the best of me because I used to (note the tense here) share go-large frappuccinos with a party-file friend who danced his way to pus-ville from a nude party down southern Philippines.

A city located on the south coast of New Guinea island, on Paga Point between Fairfax Harbour and Walter Bay of the Gulf of Papua. It’s a Sunday and the only thing in-store for you is last night’s leftover vodka and whisky or a trip to the gym. At least as a consolation it’s an easy pick.

February 12, 2006
Reposted: April 24, 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/25/2006 | 5 comments

April 19, 2006

At my father’s death bed, April 19, 2003, around 10.30 in the morning.

Me: Pa, have you said your prayers yet?
Dad: (shakes his head)

Me: Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Dad: Holy Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of my death amen.

Me: Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Dad: Holy Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of my death amen.

Me: Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Dad: Holy Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of my death amen

He passed away that afternoon. And this is our last conversation.
We still talk every now and then.

*Papa is fondly nicknamed “Kid".

19 April 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/19/2006 | 13 comments

April 13, 2006

You might have read it, you might have not. It may not be funny at all, (are we even allowed to be funny during the lent?) but what the heck. And for poor but still handsome me who haven’t had a decent Filipino dish for a while I find it best to just laugh at my frustration.

I’d be glad to offer a rough translation on this post for the non-Tagalog speaking readers but it’s a gesture in vain as the humor and raunchiness would be lost in the process.

Anyhow, a blessed Easter to everyone!

1. TAPSILOG - Tapa, Sinangag, Itlog

2. LONGSILOG - Longganisa, Sinangag, Itlog
3. HOTSILOG - Hotdog, Sinangag, Itlog
4. PORKSILOG - Pork, Sinangag, Itlog
5. CHICKSILOG - Chicken, Sinangag Itlog
6. AZUCARERA - Adobong Aso
7. LUGLOG - Lugaw, Itlog
8. PAKAPLOG - Pandesal, Kape, Itlog
9. KALOG - Kanin, Itlog
10. PAKALOG - Pandesal, Kanin, Itlog
11. MAALOG NA BETLOG - Maalat na Itlog, Pakbet, Itlog
12. BAHAW - Bakang Inihaw
13. KALKAL - Kalderetang Kalabaw
14. HIMAS - Hipon Malasado
15. HIMAS SUSO - Hipon Malasado, Sugpo, Keso
16. HIMAS PEKPEK - Hipon Malasado, Kropek, Pinekpekan
17. PEKPEK MONG MALAKI - Kropek, Pinekpekan, Monggo, Malasado, Laing, Kilawin
18. DILA - Dinuguan, Laing
19. DILAAN MO - Dinuguan, Laing, Dalandan, Molo
20. BOKA BOKA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape
21. BOKA BOKA MO PA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape, Molong Pancit
22. KANTOT - Kanin, Tortang Talong
23. KANTOT PA - Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit
24. SIGE KANTOT PA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit
25. SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit - Take out
26. SIGE KANTOT PA HA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit, Halo-halo
27. SIGE KANTOT PAIBAON MO PAPA - Sinigang na Pi! ge, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit... Take out with Ketchup
28. PAKANTOT - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong
29. PAPAKANTOT - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong
30. PAPAKANTOT KA BA - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kapeng Barako
31. PAKANTOT SA YO - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Saging + Yosi
32. PAKANTOT KA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape
33. PAKANTOT KA HABANG MATIGAS PA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape, Inihaw na Bangus, Maruya, Tinola, Ginisang Aso, Pancit
34. SUBO - Sugpo, Bopis
35. SUBO MO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo
36. SUBO MO PA - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Pancit
37. SUBO MO PA MAIGE - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Mais, Pige
38. SUBO MO TITE KO - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola, Teryaki, Kochinta
39. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola Teryaki, Kochinta, Bihon, Tawilis
40. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS, HAYOP! - ...same as #39, minura mo lang yung waiter kasi ang tagal ng order.

13 April 2006


posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/13/2006 | 13 comments

April 07, 2006
Count on me

No, I’m not done with the math yet. And I can’t do the tally-up lest my memory cooperates.

Jacquie is accusing me of having enough sex to last her lifetime. Call me a sucker but am either intrigued by myself or contextually jaded which is more or less the same, that I bothered handsome me in proving pretty her wrong.

As I miserably sort out my data accordingly: nature of consent, partner’s nationality, etc., for a PowerPoint Presentation I realized that this is an exercise vain as counting the number of times you ever wrote your name.

Then it came to me in an epiphany that even if I amass all these facts, [permit non sequitur-ishness here] it doesn’t amount to me getting laid anytime soon—and that’s a more pressing concern than the next to impossible as getting-a-hard-on-while-watching-The-700-Club sort of impossibility arithmetic job.

True, compos mentis is not her best adjective but she could have indicted me with other crimes such as being a slut or something. It turns out Jacquie’s more jaded than I am. Doing math on her fake orgasms is just what she needs.

07 April 2006

posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/07/2006 | 7 comments

April 04, 2006
MV Popoli

My sweetest thanks to Guy and Frances for that wonderful Saturday cruise on board MV Popoli.

It was a booze-free sail and by the same token wonderful as those champagne & quiche Sundays on Dolphin Blue.

Guy, we’d surely miss you. I’ll never forget that crimson sunset when we lit a candle and said prayers during the Hanukkah. Those chocolate coins are unforgettably tasty too [insert rolling eyes here]. Who won the dice game by the way? And what is it called again? And thanks for the Mardi Gras ’06 souvenirs—I love them!

I know you’ll get all the fun you missed here in Port Moresby as you get posted to Bangkok. We’ll surely drop by sometime. And yes, if I get the visa anytime soon, then DC it is.

By the way, when do we start planning the farewell party? Do you think the ambassador would lend the yacht again?

04 April 2006

posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/04/2006 | 2 comments

April 03, 2006

Dolphin Blue

A quiche is a pie.
A salmon quiche is a victual from heaven,
That you drown with champagne.

Sail with Dolphin Blue,
And cruise out of the ordinary.
Thank you Captain Brian Atkin.
Sail through!

03 April 2006
posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/03/2006 | 1 comments