2.30 a.m.
While my ass snores the night away, a heavy knocking on my door. Screamed a string of profanities, yielded to my disturber and got up from the bed.
Eyed the peephole. Not a soul in sight except for a wooden box sitting on the floor.
I opened the box and found a rolled paper resting inside. Unrolled the paper and read:
"Seven People (Filipinos) You Meet in Port Moresby
1. The Pioneers. Prehistoric legend has it that they paddled their way to pre-independence Papua New Guinea (1975) fleeing the Imelda Inquisition.
This is the bunch I don’t know much about but ever so easy to spot in a crowd.
From the transnational-visa holder, fluent-in-pidgin, faux Australian accent-speaking grandpas down to their Manila-pollution & SM-Cinema deprived offsprings; they’re almost always vexingly together anywhere they go. Thronging the ever few expatriate-safe locations, you’d swear it’s a “Tanging Yaman” cast apparition—noise and all. And you thought this Johnny Delgado movie left you unscathed.
2. Second Generation. These are the one’s who endured the Imelda inquisition but in their despair of the Aquino regency they preferred a fourth world country where the PNG Kina (then) was pegged at par with the US dollar over their yellow-ribbon-ed & coup d’ètat infested 7,100 islands motherland.
Like the Pioneers, they are ever present during them infamously banal June 12 Independence Day celebrations with usual appearances of imported minor over-sensationalized celebrities, Bingo Bonanzas, Christmas Parties and basketball tournaments.
No noticeable foreign accent. Unlike their antediluvian predecessors they probably flew PAL, economy seats.
3. Cross Breeders. Creation decided to shower the Philippine archipelago with aesthetics-gifted female of the specie instead of uranium deposits. (2) Miss Universe, (4) Miss International and counting. And as a recycling program for them non-winners, voila: “Breed Worldwide Until We Rule The Earth Program”.
Expectedly, “Operation Melanesia” turned-out to be a disappointment. The Port Moresby-based Cross Breeders almost exclusively bartered chromosomes to non-resident Caucasians only.
Too much jewelry, that’s them.
4. The Entertainers. This lot invaded this Melanesian country with a cultural rather than a reproductive modus operandi. Dancing techno Tinikling and belting Bituing Walang Ning Ning R&B remix to sustain the ever increasing but we’re-all-constantly-wondering-where-it’s-going Banko Sentral ng Pilipinas dollar reserves.
Fearless (historical) forecast: a few prodigal daughters are shifting vocation to an older profession.
Too much unpalatable flesh...
5. Churchgoers. Well, you see them in church every Sunday. Always. Ubiquitous. Chronic. Omnipresent.
They &%#*&#$#*&!
6. Accountants. Grace Adler once said, “I hate clowns. They think they’re so funny”.
Delete “clowns”. Insert “accountants”. Delete “funny”. Insert “smart”.
Grace is never wrong.7. Then there’s this gang of five guys that you’ll live life regretfully if you never get to meet them.
Nothing extremely special about this party of five but they guarantee an experience second only to that feeling of orgasmic headboard-rocking coitus.
Ever genial and handy, they paint the town red onboard a green Mitsubishi."
06 January 2007
Labels: Mysterious Things
