April 26, 2007
Assignment 001

My version of:

Little Red Riding Hood
Part 1

My little Red Riding hood is a sophomore from Don Bosco High School. He’s a queen. A silly queen for thinking that red is the new pink, but queen nonetheless. Furtunato is the only openly nelly princess in the campus. But man enough on being honest in dealing with the issues of his groin. His classmates christened him Nelly Fortunato. The drag onomastics can be traced after that girl who sang the “I’m like a bird” song—an irony for someone who’d gladly be rid of his (bird) but would dexterously welcome it or them on a daily basis at least in oral terms.

After-school bullying doesn’t really bother Fortunato much. He’s spared from all the tormenting at school thanks to Father Carlos Agasoux for keeping an eye of them browbeaters hovering around. Father Carlos is fond of him as much as he’s fond of Club Fahrenheit located in Quezon Avenue. Like Fortunato, Father once enjoyed stuffs like chinese garter, piko, and bahay bahayan with rape-rape-an. Father Carlos never missed a single Little Miss Philippines grand finals and would rather die if he ever miss an episode of That’s Entertainment. Father had a crush on Chucky Dreyfuss. Fortunato reminded him of his pre-San Carlos seminary days.

But on weekends Fortunato is often left all alone by himself.

The citizens of Brgy. San Juan De Dios opine: It’s fine to be with a regular/generic twink with french tips nail and fuchsia halter top but well aware that there is a greater shame than admitting to watching ASAP or SOP and that is to be seen with a teen who wears unfailingly but may I say prettily a hooded red cape around his gawky Amelia Vega shoulders even if the sun bakes San Juan at 43 degrees.

That’s why for him Grandma is a super hero. Our little red riding hood has her to spend weekends at. Grandma lives in Makati at the Oakwood. Her instant wealth is a result a of freak accident while sautéing corn kernels she was planning to serve as a snack during a novena for her sister who had a fatal heart attack years back when Miriam Quiambao lost to Miss Botswana during the Miss Universe of 1999. By mistake, Grandma spilled a 50 kg sack of monosodium glutamate into the wok of deep fried kernels. For ten million pesos and a life long supply of corn snacks, she sold her recipe to the founders of the Bouy Bawang empire.

(guys, do you think it's by any slight chance funny? i think my written comedy sucks... i'll heed any advice you might want to share, assignment itu)

26 April 207


posted by Bryan Anthony the First at 4/26/2007 |


At 8:49 PM, Blogger Erik said........
it's moving along fine, Bry. pero... biased yata ako. ahaha.

At 2:58 AM, Anonymous empress maruja said........
Akala ko nga autobiography. Nalinlang ako. Chos!

At 1:45 PM, Blogger joy-joy said........
mas gusto ko itong version mo. hehehe. ang alam ko kasing little red riding hood e medyo boring.... ganito yun (i actually memorized the orig.. hehehe again)
"little red riding hood lived with her mother and father in a house in the forest. one day, lil red riding hood's mother said 'will u take this cake to ur grandmother?...."

pls do the cinderella next time... take care.

At 5:20 PM, Blogger pat said........
who's the real heroine? when you started talking about father carlos, parang mas naging interesting siya and the grandma bit kind of distracts little red riding hood's travails.

nonetheless, it's still funny.

At 7:07 PM, Blogger Lyka Bergen said........
I love it.... nakakatuwa... Mixing Chuckie Dreyfuss with Miriam Quimabao? Chinese Garter and Boy Bawang... nakaka-relate aketch!

At 4:26 AM, Blogger Bryan Anthony the First said........
@eric: what happened to your site? di ko ma access

@empress: tse! lols

At 4:28 AM, Blogger Bryan Anthony the First said........
@joy joy: actually kasama din sa assignment ko ang cinderella, hansel & gretesl at may 3 pang iba

At 4:30 AM, Blogger Bryan Anthony the First said........
@pat: still trying to put focus on fortunato, against all the temptation na gawin kung star si father

@lyka: laro tayo chinese garter minsan

At 8:20 AM, Blogger howling said........
Absolutely hysterical! LOL! And yeah, just like Pat, I got a bit distracted by the Father Carlos character who upstaged Fortunato in the plot stakes but their little stories within the story including Gran's accident with the MSG added a lovely interesting touch. They all tied in wonderfully in the end. My eyes did water, laughing.

At 4:32 PM, Blogger Bryan Anthony the First said........
@howling: now i have to figure out how to end my tale... hmmm

At 3:58 PM, Blogger meganhahaha said........
Vunggacious!!! :D

At 5:58 PM, Blogger Rose said........
heehee. i found it funny, bry. hehehe.

At 12:15 PM, Blogger Bryan Anthony the First said........
vongacious si father o si little red?

At 12:16 PM, Blogger Bryan Anthony the First said........
@rose: really? that's a relief :-)

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